A Bittersweet Birthday

Earlier tonight I started to think about my birthday (tomorrow) and how I’m really not phased by the fact I’m turning 43 years old. It’s really just a number and since I feel much younger most of the time I just don’t think it’s something to dwell on, but what I am dwelling on a little bit is the fact that my mother, the person who birthed me, the person who brought me into this world, hasn’t acknowledged my birthday in so many years I’ve lost count. And it hurts. It hurts like hell. Most days I spend very little time thinking about how painful it is having a mother who doesn’t make an effort to be involved in my family’s life, but tonight it hit me hard for some reason. She probably won’t call me or text me on my birthday and she most definitely won’t send me a card and while I don’t believe she has deliberately set out to hurt me so deeply, it does hurt. It especially hurts because tomorrow is my birthday and the one person who gave me life doesn’t seem to think I matter enough to celebrate it with me, or at the very least send a simple thinking of you note. As a mother this is something I will never, ever understand no matter how hard I try and no matter how long I live because making my kids feel loved, especially on their birthday, is something that has come naturally since the first time I held each of them in my arms. So tonight I’m hurting and longing for something that may never be from a mother who might not be capable of providing it, but tomorrow I’m going to appreciate the people I do have in my life because even though she gave me life my husband and sons are the reason I live.


  1. Happy (belated) birthday Cathy. ((hugs))

    I’m sorry your mother did not reach out to you on the day that the two of you share. Before my mother crossed over, I used to buy flowers for her on my birthday, for the reasons you wrote – because we shared that day together.

    I adopted my children when they were older (5, 8 and 11 years old). Their birthmother was not emotionally stable enough to parent them the way they needed so when they were removed from the bio home and we adopted them there was no contact with her at all. Of curse they had anger for her and with good reason, but on each of their birthdays we would light a candle for her, not because she was a good parent, but because it was the day that they shared and I wanted my kids to be able to acknowledge that.
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  2. Happy birthday. I know how you feel I had a hard time when I turned 40 and then 41 this year. I do not feel 41. It is just a number though.

  3. Hey there, I found you via the NaBloPoMo blogroll.

    As part of NaBloPoMo I try to comment on as many participating blogs as I can, and I am also adding participating blogs to my feed reader. So I’m just dropping by to let you know I’ve added your blog to my feedreader, whenever you publish a post I will see it. 🙂

    I have created three bundles on Inoreader so that bloggers can easily visit other participating NaBloPoMo bloggers which you can find a few posts back on my blog.

    Your blog is in the second bundle.. I also have a link up going at my place so my readers can find participating blogs which you are more than welcome to add your blog link to.

    Looking forward to seeing your posts. You may see me drop by again during November, but it might be December before I finish my first drop by to blogs if I don’t get faster at leaving comments. 🙂

    Happy NaBloPoMo to you!

  4. Sometimes our parents do let us down awfully hard. I’m sorry you’re not getting what you need and want from your mom, but I’m happy you have so many other blessings. I hope you had a good birthday!
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    • Thank you so much for your kinds words. I’m very grateful for the people I do have in my life and my birthday was special because of them.

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