Pushing forward

Yesterday was a tough day. We waited for an important phone call nearly the entire day. I was nervous about the call because regardless of the outcome I knew it would mean huge challenges and possible major adjustments for us as a family. Like so many others right now, we are struggling to survive. That feels so dramatic to say, but it’s the truth. The majority of our income right now comes from one unemployment check and I’m sure if you’re at all familiar with those benefits, you realize stretching those dollars can be a challenge and calls for a lot of creativity. I absolutely realize it could be worse, much worse.

Paul has been searching exhaustively for a job, even searching outside of his desired career and outside of our geographical location and when a recent position posted in an area about two hours from our home, but much closer to family he went for it with amazing drive and determination. I had no doubt he was qualified, which both excited me and also frightened me a little. A move to that area would be wonderful for so many reasons, but the transition would undoubtedly be a challenge for the kids, especially, but something I know we could work through with initial bumps, but ultimately we’d all be happy. Paul researched the company, traveled the distance for two interviews, and poured every bit of his energy into the opportunity. Considering the current situation of so many people, it’s not surprising that this company was overwhelmed with resumes and applications for the position, we were thrilled when Paul was notified that he was one of two candidates for final consideration of the position. Again, I was excited while my stomach filled with butterflies of nervousness, confident he was a a talented and capable applicant, but fearing all of the change it would bring, especially for Cody and Nick.

The phone call finally came yesterday afternoon. Paul answered his phone and left the room only to arrive back about a minute later. I knew from that alone that the decision probably didn’t go in his favor. Then I could most definitely tell by the look on his face. He looked deflated and defeated as he shared the news with Nick and I, who had just arrived home from school. He wanted it so badly, he was absolutely qualified, but the other person simply had a bit more experience. Being the firm believer that everything happens for a reason, that’s what I cling to right now. This just wasn’t meant to be for us at this time. It doesn’t hurt any less or ease my worries any more, but it’s the best way to stay sane and focused and hopeful for something really amazing to come along in the future. Hopefully, the near future as opposed to the far future.