I’d Rather Feel Disappointment Than Nothing At All

Have you ever realized just how bad you wanted a job after you learned you were no longer in the running? That’s exactly what happened to me today and it’s actually a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I went into the application process with a casual attitude and not wanting the position, but I’m a realist and I knew I had a lot of strong, worthy competition. I still gave it my all through the two rounds I was fortunate enough to be a part of, but today as I waited along with everyone else to learn if I would be moving on in the process I found myself feeling really, really nervous. Nerves are good because it’s a sign you care. It’s a sign that something matters to you in a way that will probably hurt pretty deeply if things don’t go your way. You simply can’t fool your body or your heart no matter how hard your mind tries. I know this because it’s exactly what I tried to do when I kept telling myself all morning that my answers could have been better and my video could have shown more of my personality. I was trying to talk myself out of worrying about it because there was no way I’d ever achieve what is essentially the job of a lifetime. The problem with that kind of self-talk is that my heart knew better. My heart knew I wanted it so badly that my stomach was doing spontaneous somersaults without my head’s permission. My heart also knew this opportunity meant that I could be touching lives and helping people plan their vacations to my favorite place in the entire world, which is why my heart broke a little when I received the news this wasn’t my year. While I was relieved to finally have an answer I also felt a rush of emotion as I realized it was the end of the road for me this time around.

Here’s the thing. That news hurt, it devastated me a little, and it made me sad, but I don’t regret putting myself out there. I don’t regret for one minute that I went all in and tried for something that seemed so beyond my reach because I want my kids to see that just because something seems impossible or pushes you outside your comfort zone doesn’t mean you quit before you even start. Life is full of disappointment, but I can honestly say I’d rather feel that disappointment every now and then than never at all because it pushes and motivates me to work hard and try again. And I will try again……..in roughly 10 more months.